Covet
by Fangirl Jessums
Summary: Neil and Gray can't get who they want, so they substitute. Same goes for Jane. *Snicker* Pre-movie.


Neil and Jane were laughing at Terra.  
  
So I figured I'd bother them.  
  
Pairings: N/G, J/N, J/R, G/A - Wow aren't we a happy family now.  
  
Note: I'm not being held responsible for any vomiting/crying/gouging out of your own eyes from reading this fanfic. But read it anyway, because of this:  
  
Terra: *Gives him a minty treat* You might need that... y'know, in case Gray wants to kiss you or something.   
  
Jess: Gray's using Neil as a chew toy as we speak.   
  
Terra: Huh.   
  
Jess: You can say that again.   
  
Terra: I bet that's the first time that sentence has ever been typed in the history of civilization....   
  
~~~  
  
He wondered how he could keep doing this, night after night, when he knew all along the process wasn't right, nor what either of them wanted. He felt the brush of the familiar lips against his neck, familiar, yet at the same time alien. They didn't have the same shape, the texture he'd imagined many nights before, and still he tried to pretend that they belonged to her. Somehow he'd perfected believing it was her moving her lips across his jaw line, down his neck, biting lightly at his skin. With his eyes closed, he could've imagined it was anyone. Until the figure on top of him moaned his name in his ear.  
  
"Neil…" He couldn't help the shiver that ran through his body, or the fact that the man hovering above him took it as a shiver of pleasure, and not as a shiver of guilt, disgust with himself. They could get in trouble. They both knew that. And yet they did it anyway, never meeting each other's eyes afterwards, never saying a word to each other as they pulled on their clothes and parted ways, without so much as a "goodbye". Because they didn't want each other. If they were with whom they wanted to be, there would be no goodbye's. For Gray, at least.  
  
Neil forced his eyes closed again, trying to picture Jane in place of Gray. For a second reality nagged imagination, informing him she would never put herself in that place. He silenced it immediately. He knew very well she'd never feel half of what she felt for him. But in the meantime, he could pretend. Her face would soften, her slender fingers would dance across his bare skin, somehow soft as a child's, despite all the armor and gear she had to carry around.  
  
He knew this, first hand, mostly because of the time she'd tried to choke him. And instead of backing off and being scared of her, he'd memorized her hands on his neck, the scratch of her nails… the playful, naughty look that she'd given him while he was pinned against the wall, and her back was to everyone else. But no. Not naughty, nor playful. He'd imagined it, no doubt, like he was imagining her on top of him, ignoring the rough, callused hands moving around on his skin, the way the man wouldn't quiet down so he could pretend anymore. He stayed quiet, didn't moan, didn't gasp, didn't dare to breathe. Because Gray himself was pretending now, about a love lost. The name rolling off his lips wasn't his anymore. It had evolved, changed from "Neil" to "Aki".  
  
He didn't know who Aki was. He'd never met her. But apparently she was someone special, since the Captain was unwilling to replace her with other women. He shut his eyes tight, trying to pretend he was somewhere else, but to no avail. This was the part he hated most, the part he couldn't pretend anymore, the part he couldn't fit Jane into no matter how hard he tried. And so he waited. Until it was over, and they parted, so Gray could roll over facing the wall and fall asleep, while Neil shook, trying to dress himself again. He wondered why he got himself into this, every night, when he knew it was wrong. When all he wanted was her, and she'd never know, she'd never care. He was to the door before he realized it was cracked open. Straining his hearing, he barely heard footsteps retreating. The hallway he was in was empty, branching off into what seemed like a million.   
  
"Shit." The day had been ruined from the time he'd set foot in Gray's room. Closing the door quietly, he set off down the hall, half his mind longing for someone to report them and get him kicked out, the other half longing for the one woman he'd never have, and didn't want him.  
  
~  
  
She ignored the tears that hid behind her eyes. It'd been going on for awhile, she knew that. She'd witnessed the first time it had happened as she took long strides down the hall, knocking loudly on her Sergeant's door. They wanted each other, apparently. The incessant flirting, the hints… everything around her was a lie, to keep the world guessing Neil Fleming was straight and not fucking around with his Captain. She didn't care anymore. She didn't want him. The door opened and Ryan stood before her, blinking slightly.  
  
"Jane? What's wron--" She shoved him inside, away from the cameras she knew were in the hallway, kissing him hard on the lips, feeling his arms wrap around her and the kiss returned. "It happened again?" She nodded, kicking the door closed and returning her mouth to his before he could protest. She knew he wouldn't pull away. And she hated herself for playing on his emotions, knowing that as much as she loved Ryan, and knew he loved her the same, if not more.  
  
And she hated herself for knowing, even as she lead him to the bedroom, that she would never love anyone as much as she loved Neil. And he would never love her. 


End file.
